Zubar opened his eyes. He watched all that was before him, all that the sun touched was in his possession! Or so he imagined. He sighed and shifted his focus from the window to his notebook “Why do I need to study quantum chemical integrations anyways? I just want to be an alchemist god damn it! Not a spell maker!” he sighed, looking at a formula not even a god could comprehend and wondered why he chose the path he did. At that time, something swooshed past his window.
A high pitched squeal followed soon after. He glanced out the window, for a moment thinking he imagined it. “Must be exhaustion.. I guess..” he sighed, returning to the formula, trying to pick it apart. ‘Integration of the elements of opposite polarities that may result in destruction of the universe’ read the title of the page in his book. “No seriously why do they let students study this??” his frustration was interrupted by a voice from below “Zubar? Dinner!!”
He slammed the book ‘Alchemy for kettles’ shut and squinted at the name “Wasn’… ah whatever” he thought, making his way downstairs. In the dining room, his mother, a witch of light greeted him, with a cauldron of soup. He chuckled lightly “So why do you always use your cauldron for cooking?” she shrugged, pouring him a bowl “A force of habit, use it so much I can’t live without it!” He slumped down in the wooden chair and dug into the meal.
“Dad?” the table replied “Yes boy?”. He tapped his finger on the table “Maybe.. I don’t want to be an alchemist” his father, a table, shuddered lightly under each tab “Then, become like me!” he shook his head “no no. I’m thinking, maybe I could be a cartographer!?” His mother gasped excitedly – “Ah! That is WONDERFUL!!! I will send you on a trip around the world right away!”
Before he could take another bite of the bread and respond, in a bright flash of light, he was teleported away, only his mother’s feint voice followed him in a sarcastic tone “Have fuuunn”. Zubar found himself crashing into a garbage can. “Ughh! God darn it mother!! At least WARN ME NEXT TIME!!!” He shouted. “Eeeeaaaaaaa man don’t shhouaaaaut!!!” laughed a horse in the stable, watching the teenager boy crawl out of the dumpster.
He stared at the horse for a moment “And you are” the horse laughed “STTAAABBLE Maaaaaaster!” He nodded “mhmm… and I’m a alche…cartographer! Where do I buy maps??? Empty maps!” he corrected himself and realized that he was now, indeed, an explorer with absolutely no clue where he was, or what he was to do, but he knew his mother would teleport him back, eventually…
“SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” squealed sir Flapalot, flying at ridiculously high speed through the city of Shirie. Following him were 3 wyverns, spewing flames, acid and lightning alike. Flashes of various elements illuminated the city, but to this day the citizens of Shirie had no clue what happened, for it happened so fast, that none saw what actually happened. Just lightning, fire and flashes of light.
Sir Flapalot quickly led the wyverns away from the city where the battle commenced, but not between him and the wyverns, oh no, they’d eat him in a second. He led them into the king’s army. “DRAGONS! DRAGONS!” Shouted the griffon riders, swiftly taking formation and charging into the wyverns “That’s a wyvern you buffoon!” shouted commander from the ground “ARCHERS!”
Sir Flapalot swiftly zig-zagged his way through the army and went on his merry way, in his mind, he thought of only ‘what’s for dinner i wonder’ and ‘Why did I have to get tangled up in the mess of that damned goat and his cult?’. He flew North where the said goat’s head quarters were said to be.
Zubar ‘loaned’ a few pieces of parchment at a local book store and swiftly made his way out onto the streets, where he then proceeded to also borrow some clothes, and later some food because it was quite chilly here as compared to his home city of Shirie, so he figured he was quite far north. After a while of wandering around the unfamiliar and a strangely stony city, where all was made of stones, he noticed someone following him.
As he tried to verify or lose the followed, he only further confirmed that he was indeed being followed. At times he caught a glimpse of a gecko sitting on a wall, staring at him. A few minutes later he finally reached the city wall, well, if a fence made of straws could be called a city wall. He poked at the flimsy construction “So what’s this suppose to defend people from?” he inquired his followed who had just rounded the corner and stared at him “Ohh that’s uhh”
“It’s to protect the city from the wild bunnies of the northern peaks!” He sighed “Right… bunnies, man’s worst enemy”. His followed frowned “Hey!! You know nothing! They eat our crops and fruits! Can’t even garden in peace” he turned around and was taken aback by the beautiful stalker he had acquired. A girl, probably few years older than him, stood there, wearing a warm coat, and a cute hat.
“What?? Never seen a girl before?” he shook his head – “No just never been stalked by 1 before, so it’s my first time, please be gentle as you proceed to beat me for theft”. She tilted her head to the side “What??” he raised his hands in a surrender gesture holding up the paper “well you know… stone the thief and all that?” She picked up the gecko from the wall and patted it “he’s weird.. Maybe we should leave him? And I just wanted to offer him help”
He watched her turn and walk away while continuing to talk to her gecko pet – “Wait! No i uhh… but.. Then why’d you follow me?” she stopped, grinned so evily that somewhere on the other side of the world someone died of a heart attack, then turned around with an angelic smile “I just wished to help an outside, give you a tour, explain how the city works, ask how you got here?”
He hesitated for but a mere moment and then jogged up to her “Ohh! Well I”m a thief bythe name of Zubar! I stole this poncho and the papers and willing to repay for my sins! I come from the south, Shirie if you ever heard of it. The gecko froze in its place, turned into an ice cube, melted, and then fall over on its side. The girl in turn gasped, grinned and then chuckled “No way! The land of wizard? How absurd!!! So you’re a wizard? Maybe a mage? Or a sorcerer??”
He raised his eyebrow – “I uhh.. Still don’t know the difference between them all to be frank! But uhm, no! Well I’m a son of a… birch and light witch” Her eyebrow raised even higher – “a… son of a what pardon me?” he grinned – “Birch and a witch! A well.. A dryad! Birch dryad! My father! He’s a.. Well it’s a spirit of a tree!”
She nodded “Uhuh… so what brings you here?” “My mother” he replied without hesitation, sketching a line on the blank paper where the wall is, roughly tracing out its shape. Somewhere on the other end of the city, a flying pig crashed into a garbage can, squealed out of it, and then found a bana peel, eating it. “Eeeaaa man! What the hell!? Two in one day?” laughed a horse in the stable by the garbage can.
The pig snorted, swallowed and then squealed at the shock of a talking horse ‘What? A talking horse?’ he thought to himself, approached it carefully, with its big flappy ears dragging on the stony ground. The horse chewed hay and laughed agained “EEEEAAAHHH MAN! WHAT THE HE-AAALLL?? Why your ears so BIIIGGG?” Sir Flapalot flapped his ears and took flight, he had no time to deal with a weird horse, he had a cult leader goat to take care of before more harm was to be brought upon the world.
The horse, taken aback by the flying pig, just as the pig was taken aback by the talking horse. The only thing missing would be a cult goat.. Oh… And so he flew above the city, scouting the terrain. His gaze fell upon a young boy, a teenager, trying to, horrible, steal a poncho because he was not local, and he was cold by the looks of things. The owner noticed the little thief and got up from his chair to sound the alarm.
Sir Flapalot’s noble nature and personality would not allow him to watch something like that go unpunished! He swooped down just as the little thief ran off, and as he swooped and swooshed, zigzagging past people on the street, his hooves connected with a loud crunch on the shopkeeper’s chest. The man went flying into the backwall of his shop.
Sir Flapalot landed, stroke a pose, then walked off confidently while the people rushed to the aid of an innocent man that got assaulted by a mythical creature. He confidently walked down the street before suddenly smelling food. A delicious street diner. He squealed happily and charged towards it, there he watched the boy try to snatch a hotdog. Hungry as he was he took flight, and flew circles above the foodstall, distracting the owner enough that the boy could snatch some food.
He then did a low pass by and stole some food himself, disappearing into the dark alleys of this stony, cold northern city to continue on his task of taking down the cult leader. Zubar followed the girl around the city on a guided tour. Off in the distance he watched a commotion “Gosh! Did something happen there?” She nodded “A mythical beast attack. They’re rare, you’ve nothing to fret about!”
The tour concluded at the entrance to a chapel “In there I will not follow you, but feel free to take a look around” Zubar drew a sideways cross on the map and shrugged “I’m not religious!” She eyed him for a moment while massaging her gecko’s belly “Not? I thought all mag…wiz..sor..what are you again??” He shrugged – “Alchatographer.. I meant cartographer!” She nodded – “right so not a wizard!??” he nodded “I think not! I mean maybe not? I never tried”
She snorted and walked off “Why not tried?” he wiggled his fingers around “sons of birches tend to turn into birches if they use magic, so i’ve heard, and I like my humans fingers” She burst into a laughter “You’re the biggest dork ever! So, your mother huh? She just… what? Sent you here?” He shrugged “Yea she just snapped her fingers and teleported me here, that… witch…”
The girl nodded “yea.. And I thought my family was weird” he glanced at her pretty face, her skin smooth as a perfect apple. “Uhhh…” is all he managed to mutter, his jaw hanging open at her beauty. She looked away from him awkwardly – “aaaanyway… the night fall is soon, shall we… you hmm.. Where are you going to sleep?” “oh i’ll just nap right here!” claimed the boy with confidence of a general who’s about to go into a battle.
She shook her head “Absolutely not! The night watch will kick you out of the city for littering the streets!” “Littering with what? I have nothing” she turned and angrily pressed her finger against his forehead “YOUR SELF you moron! Gah, fine, you can sleep at my place”. His face, turned red, his cheeks filled with blood “W..w..with…you?” she sighed and shook her head “at my PLACE! Not WITH me!”
And so the night fell, and at night, a creature stalked the stony streets, a creature, whose fangs glittered in the new crescent moon light! Its fur, black as the shadow! It’s growl could freeze even the bravest warrior in place! It’s claws, sharp as razors, dug themselves into the stones of the street, easily piercing and ripping through stone! Sir Flapalot’s senses awoke him, his fight of flight instincts, sent him flying, swooshing through the dark city in search of the horrific beast.
Zubar awoke from a piercing growl that shook the windows of the girl’s house. A scream echoed from the top floor. He dashed up the stairs, and as he was about to grab the handle of the door to open it, a loud crash, sound of breaking glass, a terrified scream, and then a loud ‘thump’. He froze in place and then finally mustered his courage and opened the door. In the corner of the room sat crying, frightened girl in her night gown. Window broken, curtains ripped, and nothing else.
The rest of the night he spent comforting her, but any attempt to spot what happened outside was unsuccessful. The morning after, the city crier shouted at the center of the city “TONIGHT A BEAST RUMMAGED OUR TOWN! AN UNIDENTIFIED HERO THREW HIM OFF THE CHAPEL ROOF! THE BEAST NO MORE! REJOICE! REJOICE!” The city suddenly had an increased amount of guards “s..so.. I uh.. Never asked your name in fact” She nodded “Indeed you haven’t”
“Well” he inquired after another long pause of silence. “Well?” she replied sarcastically “you still hadn’t asked it.. You just implied desiring to know it” He squinted, raised his finger in protest and then let out a sigh of defeat – “you’re right.. Uhm, what IS your name then?” she released her gecko onto the wall and smiled “Kara, I’m Kara, and you are?” he looked up at the clouds “I’m Zubar.. It means… actually nothing, my parents are boring”
After a lunch and then some strollin around the city, she headed for the gates, then stopped and seemingly waited for something. He waited with her, unsure as to what they were waiting for, he took that time to sketch some more of the city on the parchment. A while later, her Gecko returned, it crawled onto her hand, and she brought it up to her ear, as if listening attentively, she nodded her head.
“You a uh.. Animal whisperer?” she looked at him with a dumbfound face for a while – “What?” no… do uh, do animals in your city not talk?” He stared at her – “now that you mention it.. There was a talking horse I encountered when I arrived here.. Is that NORMAL??” she nodded – “as normal as you talking to me” he gasped “Whoa!” She mocked him “what do you mean WHOA? Mister ‘i’m from land of magic and my mother… let me just shut up”.
He thought about it for a moment, truly… it must be quite weird for others to hear ‘i’m a son of a birch and a witch’ if they’re not used to it, so talking animals shouldn’t be that weird. “So, what’d it say?” she smiled “That’s a secret, but come! Come along!” She grabbed him by the wrist and tugged him to follow along as she joyfully jogged out of the city and down the muddy path, taking a trail off into the forest.
That night, Sir Flapalot awoke from instincts. They called upon him to fight for safety of all the innocent people whom he deemed under his protection now. He flew through the dark city at squealing speeds. Only a woosh of wind, and occasional “DUCK!” from the guards could be heard, until finally, he came face to face with the beast of the night. Or more fair to say, snout to snout, or to be even more precise, hooves to snout! As he crashed, unintentionally into the beast at a very high speed and sent it flying.
The fight, if it could be called so, lasted all of 15 seconds, that’s how long it took for the beast to crash land after the sudden impact. The rest of the night, Sir Flapalot spent hunting down the goat’s minions, beasts of equal degree of threat. The worshipping animals of the Goat Cult used the forbidden and forgotten ‘dark arts’ magicks and rituals to offer their bodies up for the greater evil and turn into the beasts of the night.
Wererabbits, weremice, demonbats, there isn’t a more forbiddable foe than a flying 1, for our brave and heroic flying big Sir Flapalot. But none of them proved a worthy opponent for he knew that lives of people were at stake. He had no time to waste! He battled them all day and night. And as Zubar and Kara, enjoyed their peaceful date, it would occasionally get interrupted by rustling in the bushes or whooshing.
And on the 3rd day of their stay, Zubar caught Kara in a trance, reading something in a book, cover of which was darker than the darkest night. He shook her out of the trance and asked her what it was that she was doing, to which she replied “It’s.. a yoga nidra course. Not every book is a magical tome..” He glanced at the book, whose letters seemingly rearranged from “Nekonamicat” to ‘Nektonic and Metanoia’. For a moment he thought he saw a shape move on the side of her, but then he shook it off as hallucination.
The following days, as he perfected his drawing of the city, he caught more and more abnormalities with Kara, until one day he thought he saw a tail. As he approached her and placed a hand on her shoulder she squealed, shuddered and… meowed. Taken aback by it he watched her feline eyes slowly turn back to human, she licked her lips and grinned – “mmmmyeeess?” he stared at her a while “what would you like for dinner?” she shrugged “fish!?”
Her behavior changed more and more, as did her appearance, he knew it was no hallucination. He studied the tome and indeed it was a black magic dark arts tome of transmutation. Time was limited. He had to find the creator of the tome before his beloved would turn into a cat!!!! Zubar was out and about all night long. As was Sir Flapalot, who, inconspicuously continued to save Zubar’s life from the creatures of the dark.
The search went on. The 2 allies, one, an oblivious, powerless fool blinded by love, the other, a self proclaimed hero of the people! The famous infamous unknown to anyone Sir Flapalot, driven by his own sense of justice. They continued their search for the same foe, and at long last, at the break of dawn, the 2 found the lair where the evil goat and his army of worshippers lived! If they could be called so… his 3 remaining followers.
Sir Flapalot entered heroically through the window! Zubar, entered stupidly, through another window, stumbling, falling, hitting his head on the floor and passing out. Sir Flapalot watched the goat, sitting in a dark robe, at the center of a ritual circle. His three followers lined 3 of 5 corners of the petagram. The goat sneered at the new arrivals – “AT LAST! The remaining 2 are he..wait! WAIT! No! You’re not my followers!! Who let you in??”
Sir Flapalot turned and faced the broken window, squealing angrily. Zubar, was passed out, he said nothing. The goat angrily baa’ed – “BAAAAA!! Kill! Kill the intruders!” But of his remaining followers, were only a horse, a chick (a literal, yellow peeping bridy chick you know? Peep peep xD) and a tit (a bird… you perverts..). The horse laughed “EEAAAA! IT’s the GARBAAAAAAGE maan! And the garbageeee PIIIGGG!”
The goat faced him in disbelief “You saw the intruders before?” The horse nooned “EEEEAAA!! They landed one after another in a garbage can! Greeeaaat guys!” The goat shook his head in disbelief and eyes his two tiny followers “Fine… I guess I baaaahhrender!” Sir Flapalot wasn’t having it! The criminal had to pay for his crimes. He flapped and dashed and swooshed and squealed, and the goat went flying out the window, spinning and kicking as he flew through the air.
In that moment, a great wizard appeared in the air. He was a scrawny old man, he appeared on a chair, calmly sipping a cup of tea, a teapot sat atop a floating table by his side. He watched the goat swoosh by and sighed “Sheesh! Not so fast.. My reflexes aren’t that good!”. In that moment, another great wizard appeared in the air, in the path of the goat, it was the same wizard. He pulled out a small bird cage, and caught the goat into it. “Good good there we go! Very good!”
A sip of tea later he appeared in the goat’s house, eyed the 2 small birds, a confused horse, a brave, posing pig with super big ears, and a passed out boy in the kitchen, then shook his head – “Nope… this is above my paygrade” As he tried to exit the house, walking, for whatever reason, the big headbutted him on the butt. The wizard jumped, turned and squinted at the pig – “You little! Fine.. fine yes! You’ve done your mission well, brave knight Pigcelot Flapalot!”
he scratched his beard and then shrugged “ayaya.. I have to go now!” the pig squealed “Yes yes! I’ll return you to your little piglets, brave hero of the world! And no bard shall sing your tale, is that truly fine?” Flapalot jiggled happily in place and nodded “Very well! And off you go!” he snapped his finger and the pig disappeared. As he tried to exit the building again, somebody tucked on his robes. He turned around annoyed “WHAT IS IT NOW???”
Behind him stood the young boy, he watched him for a moment, patted the boys shoulders, dusting them off, straightened his shirt, gave him a thumbs up and then turned around to leave, just to get tucked on again. “Grrr! I! The great Nerlin Manroe! Can snap you out of existence! What do YOU want from ME the great me..!!!???” He leaned down raising his eyebrow. “My greatness can not be…” the boy shrugged.
A self proclaimed great grand wizard was nothing new for him “send this to my mother” he handed him a folded piece of paper on which he was sketching the city “Oh and tell her..” the wizard turned and stormed out of the door “Deliver this! Tell her that! Gah! I’m not a darned delivery service! No seriously how dare he look down upon the greatest of the great!?”
He snapped and disappeared, delivered the letter to the light witch, and then disappeared, never to be heard of again… Rumors have it that he was locked away in a book.. For a very long time, until.. That’s a story for another time. Back to Zubar, who settled with the Catra.. No wait, Kara. Her feline featured did not disappear, she remained a cute catgirl with ears and tail, and feline eyes.
The 2 found happiness, living in a forest in the uncharted wilderness of the north. The light witch would occasionally visit them, and send her son out on another wild ‘exploration mission that the world depends on’ as she stated it. They lived their days with the fond memories of the cult-goat they had to face on day. The End! For now…
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.