Snakes on a Search

Atheris hid around the corner, speaking silently into his linkshell – “Jess? I’m in position! Where you at?” Only silence followed. Atheris gulped as he peeked around the corner, looking over at the band of pirates standing under the street lantern by the pier, discussing their shady plans. He took cover once more. “Jess?”. A moment of silence later, a panting voice echoed through the linkshell “ye boss? I got a … a bit caught up with something here” 

Atheris squinted as he peeked around the corner once again. The pirates were gone. He sighed – “Jess, we gonna have to have a talk…” Silence for a brief moment, interrupted by a mumbling “of course, boss” Jess’s voice was filled with guilt, he knew he messed up. And thus, Atheris and Jess met up at their little office. Sign hung over the door “Detective Services by Atheris”. Inside, a small, open office with a couple of chairs, a sofa, and an old raggedy desk. 

Atheris jumped into the sofa and stared out the window – “So, Jess, what distracted you this time? Or… WHO should I say?”. The tall, towering au’ra, buff as the bull, horns thick and sharp, scales, glittering in the moonlight passing through the window. Despite being such a large specimen, he got easily flustered at the question, but he knew better than to lie to the legendary detective Atheris. He sighed – “a… friend, boss…” Atheris squinted – “A FRIEND??”

Jess nodded – “ye…s… a bunny friend”. His voice was shaky but deep. Each word was like gentle thunder, almost growling and almost terrifying. There was a reason that Atheris took him in as a sidekick, there were very few men who could sway any woman in town and terrify any man without having to as much as yell at them. His presence alone was enough to ward off any issue causing clients or rascals during operations. Atheris grinned – “Ah! Was it Mi…” Jess interrupted him instantly –

 “So!!! Boss..” spoke Jess in his deep rumbling voice – “The pirates?”. Atheris, despite being a genius detective was easily distracted with work – “Yeah, the black lagoon sailed off, we got nothing on them, again! Tsk… I’ll catch Levi one day! I swear on my name!!!” Jess grinned, having successfully diverted conversation away from his ‘side activities’ and reason for his incompetence. He knew that the bunny girl was a distraction but he couldn’t stay away from her. 

Atheris got up from the sofa and stretched – “Well sidekick! The night is young and there’s more work for us! We have a new gig! We are to find a missing adventurer! A treasure hunter by the name of Nagisa sho…” He walked over to his table and picked up a piece of paper, looking over it – “Nagisa Shokushu! A po…” he coughed and chuckled – “Lalafel treasure hunter! Supposedly she set out in search of some legendary cake!”

Jess stared out of the window, his thoughts filled only with Mimi, the gorgeous bunny girl, hair white as the purest silver! Eyes like moons in the night sky. He shook his head- “We’re going to look for a cake???” Atheris walked up to him, rolled up the search request form and slapped him across the face with it- “no! We’re going to look for a lalafell that went looking for cake!” 

Jess pondered for a moment- “ohh wasn’t there something about mermaids liking cake??” Atheris grunted – “lalafel! Not a mermaid! Get your head out of the gutter!!” Jess nodded – “ye boss! So, a missing treasure hunter that went out looking for a legendary cake? Where do we start?” Atheris shrugged and replied sarcastically – “Oh i don’t know.. Maybe a BAKERY?” he raised his voice to make it as painfully obvious as he could. Jess nodded-  “Great idea!”

And so they headed out, to a bakery, in the middle of the night! Like true, diligent detectives, they knew no rest… But the bakery shop owner did! And the baker was not happy to be woken up in the middle of the night by an elezen and an au’ra giant, asking about a lalafell who went searching for some legendary cake. 

After being chased away, dodging frying pans, and having obtained no useful information from their night scout run to a baker with an attempted interrogation of the shop owner, Atheris and Jess decided to rest for the night. They headed back to their office and slept the night away. The morning came and with it, bad news. A knock on the door, the bad news were usually delivered by short people, with big thick beards. “Lali ho” followed by “you’re screwed!” and a “here hold this” 

as the silly dwarf handed a grenade over to Jess to hold it as he searched for the letter! Jess yawned, looking down at the tiny bearded man as he rummaged through his bag – “Where was it! Nope this isn’t it! What’s this doing here?” exclaimed the dwarf as he threw something over his shoulder and it exploded with a loud bang, but seemingly caused no damage to the street. This, however, was a wonderful wakeup call for Atheris who found himself napping beside the sofa, not on it.

As Atheris rushed to the door thinking they were under attack, he found Jess standing like a tower in the doorway, holding a grenade. – “WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING, YOU PSYCHO???” screamed Atheris as he dove down onto the floor, covering his head. Jess, slightly concerned by Atheris’s sudden reaction, turned, uncontrollably swinging his tail, hitting the dwarf on the helmet, sending the helmet flying across the street.  

While Jess helped Atheris up, still holding the grenade in his hand, ignoring the angry cursing that came from the doorway, at last they received the letter from the dwarf, who hastily ran off soon as he handed the letter over. Atheris walked around the table and sat down in his chair – “coffee! And what’s the news?” Jess walked over to the table and set the grenade down in front of Atheris, and then opened the letter, reading it, all the while Atheris, terrified, stared at the grenade as it began to slowly roll towards the side of the table.

Atheris stared, amused, entertained, too sleepy to act as he listened to Jess’s rumbling deep voice reading the letter 1 word at a time “Dear. Detective. Atheris. I am the constable Nynu of the city’s watch. Per order by the major, you are to vacate your office space due to ‘waste of space and city’s resources’. Sincerely, Nynu Ni”

Atheris tilted his head to the side as he thought about what he had just heard for a moment as the grenade reached the edge of the table. He held his breath for a moment as it slowly came to a stop, and sighed – “Ahh… well, guess we need a new office, I’ll talk with the major”. He said as he stood up swiftly, his knee hit the table, which bumped the table, and the grenade fell off. As it impacted the floor it began to hiss. “Ohoh!” said he curiously as he jumped out the window

Jess followed him instantly without hesitation, a moment later, a deafening explosion sent debris flying through the window through which the 2 detectives had just vacated their office. Atheris stood up and dusted off – “Welp! No need to worry about removing our junk from there! Sidekick? You got the search request?” Jess nodded as he pulled it out of his jacket’s interior pocket. 

They spent the rest of the day exploring the deepest darkest corners of the city, and I mean deepest and darkest. They found themselves in the sewers, interrogating rats and interviewing the goblins. Why you might ask? Well it’s simple! Rats and goblins knew everything that went around in the city of Zilbus! They knew all about the famous treasure hunter, Nagisa Shokoko! Atheris assumed they just got the name wrong, and so they took notes and prepared to follow in the track of said treasure hunter. 

That evening, Atheris reviewed his notes and compared them to the search request – “Nagisa Shokosho! The famous treasure hunter, about ey tall. With pink eyes and yellow hair!” Would our great detectives find the discrepancy between the info gained from the goblins and rats?? 

“Of Course!!!” Exclaimed Atheris, making Jess jump from his seat as he looked around – “What? Who? Where? Bunny??” Atheris shook his head – “No! The goblins and the rats! They got the wrong Nagisa!!!” Bring me that darned goblin king and his fat rat I need real intel here!” And so Jess ventured off to the sewers once more. And he did not return for many hours… Atheris fell asleep, tired of waiting, just to be awoken in middle of the night by grunting and whining from a goblin. 

Before him stood Jess, covered in lipstick, to no one’s surprise. In his hand, he held a chunky goblin king, a small, green-skinned, long-nosed goblin with a make-shift crown made out of scrap they found in the sewers. – “LET ME GO!!!” screamed the goblin in a whining, high-pitched voice. Jess shrugged – “ey boss, he was… well hidden.”  Atheris sighed – “uhuh… i can tell you’ve been through a lot trying to get to him.” 

Jess sat the goblin down on the bench. Behind them, was a river, and the street was empty and quiet. The interrogation began – “Nagisa!?” the goblin nodded- “Shokoko! Or was it coco? Coconut?” Atheris nodded at Jess who, simply had to clear his throat to intimated the goblin king into remembering that there were 2 nagisa’s in the city – “AHhh yes yes but of course! I gave you the wrong intel!”

Atheris smiled – “right, so? Nagisa with blue’ish red hair?” Goblin king nodded – “yes yes! The lalafel treasure hunter!!! I heard that 1 ventured out in search of cake!” Atheris took notes – “Tell me something I don’t know”. The goblin king pondered for a while – “Has a toy car!” Atheris took notes again-  “tell me something relevant to this investigation.” the gobling shrugged – “Went west in search of cake! 3 towns over!” 

Atheris took notes – “anything else?” the goblin shrugged – “the cake isn’t that impressive, Nagisa is a fool to chase after it!” Atheris nodded “good day to you!” The goblin angrily stared at them – “Hey! Who’s to bring me back?” Jess turned around but before he could speak, Atheris grabbed him by the horn pulling him away – “Not our problem!!” 

And thus our detectives set out on their journey! They were to travel 3 towns over to the west. During their journey, they encountered a variety of people and beings all of whom helped guide them onto the right path. In the first town they encountered a strange cat… a cat that watched them, walked alongside them, but never said a word. Wait, why would a cat speak in the first place?

In the 2nd town, they encountered a young, beautiful maiden who seemed very fond of cakes! By the name of Lianne, she guided them to the best baker in town. There they learned of the legendary, massive, super dense, incredibly sweet, cheesecake that is served a bit further to the west, in the lands of Mido.

In the 3rd town, they chased a vampire, a hrothgar, and a whole crew of pirates! Until the pirates realized they were only 2 independent detectives without the support of city guards. And thus the situation turned around, and it was the detectives, that got chased out of the town, by a crew of 20 pirates, a vampire and a hrothgar. Something was off about the hrothgar, but they had no time to gather clues and come to a conclusion as to what was wrong with him.

At last, they reached the land of Mido, the land of legendary cakes! Another land of legendary cakes… there’s multiples! This 1 is Lianne’s next stop, but not today for the full moon is no more! And accompanying them, a hunter entered the city, by the name of Nyle. He seemed a little shady. Atheris could tell he had something dark about him, but it was not his job or concern to investigate random hunters. They quickly parted ways, and Atheris prayed he never encountered that hunter again.

After a day of investigation, Atheris and Jess found themselves resting at the inn, going through their notes and findings. – “The bakers said it’s the gnomes of the forest that bake the legendary massive cake” Jess nodded – “bunny..” Atheris continued going through notes – “the scholars said the gnomes often mix in shady ingredients into the cakes to test out their new recipes on unsuspecting visitors”. Jess nodded and replied dreamily – “Mimi…” 

Leaning on his massive hand, his eyes dreamily wandered the rooms rather empty interior. 2 beds, 1 in each corner, a single dining table, and a couple of chairs. Barren walls, and thoughts of Mimi, are the only things that filled this room for Jess. For Atheris, it was his notes, the same empty room, and thoughts ‘why did i hire him again?’

Atheris continued – “so, considering that Nagisa is a lalafel, and gnomes are known to experiment with their recipes, it is safe for us to assume that the gnomes abducted the unsuspecting, sweet-searching, lalafel and forced her to become 1 of them!” Jess nodded – “They wouldn’t have done that if she was a gorgeous bunny”. Atheris rolled his eyes – “I swear, your horns make… never mind” he stopped and took a deep breath. 

The night came fast and the both of them were fast asleep. Detective work was reaching the end and they were soon going to find the missing treasure hunter. Atheris had a gut feeling that they were close! And he dreamed that night of finding the missing lala, and the said lala had turned into a bunny girl…Gorgeous bunny girl he desired to chase after. He awoke from his dream to mumbling in between the snores “Zzzzz Bunny zzzZzzzZ” 

The rest of the night Atheris spent wandering the empty streets, just to avoid dreaming of viera. He made a mental note to never sleep in the same room with Jess again. At sunrise he awoke his ‘trust’ if you could say it that way, sidekick and they ventured into the gnome forest in search of the sweetest, densest, cake in the world. “No! Wait” said Atheris as he stopped in his track and looked around – “We’re looking for…” he paused, as Jess jumped in to interrupt – “A bunny girl!”

After a moment of silence, Atheris went on “no.. we’re looking for. I can’t remember” Jess nodded and followed silently. Atheris noticed some kind of dust in the air, but it caused no allergic reaction or anything, so he dismissed it as just basic pollen or dust. His senses did not detect it to be harmful or poisonous in any way. 

They walked on and on through the beautiful forest, as the rays of the sun gently caressed their skin, breaking through the forest’s canopy. The birds sang songs so soothing and relaxing that even the most skilled hiker would desire to sit down and rest, enjoying this blissful calmness. But something was amiss. Something didn’t feel right! But that did not stop them from pushing onwards through the forest. 

The path was clean, walked by hundreds, if not thousands. At last, music could be heard further down the path by the sound of it. Atheris, an elezen, skilled in forest navigation, could tell with a degree of confidence that they’d run into the source of music within the next hour of walking. And so they walked, and walked and walked. Exhausted, thirsty, the music grew louder. 

At last, they could see a large open field, with picnic tables set up, dozens of gnomes running around tirelessly, waiting the tables and tending to their guests. Hundreds of hikers of all species gathered here for lunch. The food ranged from wild-caught game, to fresh-baked cakes. They were greeted by a gnome. Gnomes, resembled lalafel only in their height. Their proportions were closer to goblins – skinny and closer to rectangles than to potatoes in shape. 

At the corner of his eye, Atheris caught a glimpse of a witch’s hut, outside of it lay a young looking redhead. The gnome went towards nearest empty table – “Welcome to the Gnome Dining! We proudly serve hundreds of customers daily! Here’s out menu, a waiter will be with you shortly, ha! Get it? Shortly… because we’re short!” the gnome laughed at his own joke and left back to the tree by which he stood when he greeted the detectives. 

Atheris and Jess, sat at the table, examining the menu when he reached into his pocket to check how much money he had. He pulled out a raggedy, torn-up, piece of paper, a notebook, and nothing else. As he read over his notes and the raggedy paper, he at last remembered the reason for their presence here. They’re not here for a meal, they’re here to find a missing lalafel. 

After interviewing and talking with a few of the staff, they were lead to the gnome lord! The overseer of the gnomish operations in this forest. They discovered that the dust they noticed earlier which made them forget their reason for being here was in fact pixie powder used in the baking which gave it that exquisite taste, but had the side effect of short term memory loss. 

They then discussed the missing treasure hunter, and the gnome lord laughed. “Ah, but of course I know whom you talking about! Our new baker! Nagisa loved our cake so much she became part of the baking crew and decided to remain here, to help deliver the joy of the most delicious baked good to our customers”. Upon hearing all that, Atheris asked to speak personally with Nagisa, and his request was granted.

However, upon seeing Nagisa, hard at work as part of the 17 gnome baking crew, working hard to pull out a cake from the clay oven and hastily assisting with cutting it up for the patrons, he no longer thought it necessary to ask if they truly desired to remain here. Watching lalafel, in perfect harmony with gnomes, working this hard, was all the answers he needed.

After a hearty meal, a lovely chat, delicious mead, and a ‘take home’ serving of the legendary, mega dense, super sweet, massive cheesecake, 5 liters of gnome brewed deliciousness, and another 10kg of meats and a variety of other meals, the 2 detectives ventured back to the city of Zilbus where they had come from. 

“So, boss” spoke Jess in his deep growling voice – “Mind if I…” he laughed – “No need to finish, my friend. The job is done and we’ll get paid. A vacation well deserved”. Jess nodded eagerly – “I will take Mimi there!” he exclaimed and Atheris chuckled in response. And so they obtained the payment for completion of their search request, by presenting a letter signed by Nagisa to Dyl, the 1 who made the request. The payment was hefty, and a new office was easy to buy. 

It is said that Jess ended up in the gnome forest for his honeymoon with his beloved bunny girl. Atheris assisted some barely known author, a bunny girl coincidentally, with some additional tasks and was regarded well for it. He awoke from his slumber once more and looked upon the most beautiful field of red roses before him. A voice echoed, coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time, “How was it this time?”. The man, wearing black robes stretched and smiled—”it was fun”