The Struggles of the Cereal-Killer

Max, a young, or maybe old, nobody really knew her age, but everybody knew her name. Max was a witch, among the most powerful of their kind. Max choose where to be, when to be, and how to be. What witches aren’t known for, however, is their baking skills! Witches learn to brew potions, and Max crafts the most powerful of them. Her potions can send people through space and time, but she always desired to indulge herself in baking courses, and so she did. 

His name was Garel The Death Bringer From The Shadows, The One Who Stalks You Till You Beg To Die! Or so he called himself, his colleagues just simply called him Garel the useless one, for he was so germaphobic he couldn’t stand to ever harm a fly, let alone kill a human. But his desire and wish was – to cure this phobia. And so he was to set out on a journey to the ruins, where the most powerful of witches was last sighted. 

He burst through the door of the slashers guild. His backpack was weighing him down, his steps were heavy. He marched through the hall of the guild where the most renowned killers gathered. At the front desk, a young girl greeted him “Garel? What brings you here?”

He grinned a mischievous grin “I found the one to cure me!” Behind him, Stefan the Ripper, not to be confused with the Reaper, or THE reaper, or the Jack the ripper, that 1 was a legend, Stefan was not a legend. “Ohh? Cure you?”

Garel Nodded “yeah! I’ll be a real killer soon!”

Stefan chuckled, then licked his finger and poked Garel with it. Garel stepped back in panic, wailing his arms in front of him “Ahhh! What the hell are you doing that’s disgusting that’s horrible!!” He reached for a sanitizing cleaning wipe in his pocket and then anxiously rubbed it on his cheek trying to clean it off. “Is it off? Are they gone?”

Stefan giggled and walked off “Best of death to you on your trip!” 

Garel took off his tag, the killer guild tags were engraved broken off saw blades with their names engraved on them and slid it onto the table. “I won’t be needing these, not till I’m cured and slayed a man!!!” He straightened out and looked confidently at the girl at the front desk. She picked up his tags that read his entire name going round and round to fit it all, and then nodded “May the death ever follow in your wake, slayer!”  

And thus our slayer wanna-be, the germaphobe who never killed a fly in his life, set out on a long journey to the ruins! A clear goal in mind! A wish to be fulfilled, his journey soon proved to be a rather long one. On the 2nd day of his trip, he realized that the water filter is not the most portable device… So he left it behind after it broke and shattered when he slipped while collecting water. 

A high-pitched giggle woke him at night, it was a giggle he had heard before, a giggle of a goblin. He sat in his tent, concerned. Goblins never traveled alone, it must have been a pack of goblins. He heard rustling outside, at last, he mustered his courage, took the large meat cleaver in hand and rushed out of his tent “I AM A KILLER!” Before his eyes was an empty campsite and a missing backpack. 

At last, he woke up, still, a long way to go, with no supplies left, just a few basic necessities, it was now that he realized that a long trip such as this was harder than it sounded at first.  But he did not let despair consume him, he pressed on! Remaining supplies, a water skin, a pot, and the tent, he packed into his sleeping bag and tossed it over his shoulder like a sack. He walked for hours, before the sun began to set once more. Off in the forest, he heard voices and gentle giggles.

He grinned, he knew that tone! It was young maidens, in the forest, playful ones, naive… ‘easy prey’ he thought to himself, left behind the sack and snuck into the forest. Getting ever closer to the girls playing in the woods. He stepped on a branch and then ducked behind a bush. The giggles stopped. “Did you hear that?” inquired a blonde girl “must’ve been a rabbit or something, relax!” Her dark red-haired friend tried to calm her down. “I.. we should go back we’ve ventured far enough” replied the blonde girl

As the girls turned around, a male’s frightened scream caught them off guard. “AHHH GET IT OFF ME GET IT AHHHHHH!!” screamed a man that leaped over the bushes and was flailing his arms around, his right hand was stained in mud, but seemingly nothing else was wrong with him. The girls were taken aback, they stared at the stranger. “What’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t know” replied her friend. 

“Should we… help him?” Inquired the red-haired girl.

“No I think we should leave him… He seems like a psycho.”

“AHHHH!!! I’M NOT! I SWEAR! GET IT OFF ME!! I’M NO PSYCHO I’M A KILLER!!!”

The blonde girl gasped and looked at her friend, then grabbed her by the hand and sprinted off in the direction of the village.

“WAIT! NO!! AAHHH GET IT OFF MEE! IT’S ALL OVER MY PANTS” Cried out the panicked germophobe as he wiped his dirtied hand on his pants.

Unbeknownst to him, atop a tree, on a branch, sat an old wizard. He was trying hard to surpass his laughter at the clumsy man who merely desires help. He watched the panicked guy wipe his hand on grass and trees, his own pants, then rip his pants off and toss them away, before realizing that the germs are likely still on his hand. “HEELPP! ME!!” he cried out of despair.

“And what’s in it for me?” inquired the wizard who sat on a branch above him. 

“Who’s there?” Garel asked in a shaky voice, pressing his back against the tree.

“Death” said the wizard leaning back against the same tree.

“Death! A friend then! I am of the Slashers Guild, we befriended death and…”

“give him more work, hardly how a friend would act, no?” Garel gasped at the sudden realization that their guild does indeed simply give death more work.

“Oh no…” 

“Yeah, so what’s in it for me?” inquired the wizard in a calm tone.

“Please rid me of the germs and I… well.. Wont’ kill you.”

The wizard laughed, “Good one… There’s goblins approaching you, maybe you can bargain a deal with them?”

“mmmhhnnnoooo???” Whimpered Garel, but it was far too late, the death did not respond. 

“I.. I can’t die here! I’ve yet to meet that witch… the famous Max…” A head peeked from behind a tree, pointy hat, long white beard, the proper stereotypical wizard “That b…witch?”

“AHHH! WHo the hell are you?” screamed out Garel, then took a step back, his foot got caught on a root and he fell, butt into the mud, both hands were now covered in it too.

“What, you can’t tell? I’m of the Wanna-be guild.”  

Garel jumped up and slapped his muddied hands on his face from the shock “And what do you wa… AAAAAA!” he screamed.

“Ah thank you for asking! Yes, of course, I wanna be a WIZARD! How did you guess?” He leaned on the tree onto his right hand, legs crossed, striking a pose in the ray of sun that broke through the canopy like a stage projector. “Could you … you got some.. On your … fac.. oh you noticed, good.” The wizard wannabe remarked as he proceeded to calmly tell his tale to the panicked killer.

As the wizard finished his tale, the man was gone from sight. He glanced around “hey?? Helloooo?? Welp.. at least he knows about the great me.” The wizard walked off in a random direction, soon to come to a river bank, and in the river, he found the killer from behind, desperately washing from the mud. He knelt down and collected some water into the palm of his hand and before drinking it he yelled “Missed a spot on your left thigh, yeah on the back, that’s it..” he mocked the panicked man in the river. 

After enjoying some refreshing river water, he pulled out a wand and swung it up, and then down, a large blob of water floated up from the river and then splashed down on the man beneath it. Then a gust of wind blew the man out of the river and dried him, and at last, a sprinkle of baby powder appeared in the thin air and completely covered him. The man screamed again “AHHH!!! IT’S EVERYWHERE!”

The wizard walked past him “oh don’t worry, it’s completely sterile and antimicrobial, trust me”

“Who are you again?” Inquired Garel.

“Oh I wanna be the most famous wizard of all time across all worlds, my name is Merlin Manroll”.

“Garel the…” the wizard interrupted him “The panicked one?”

“No! The..”

“doesn’t matter, so long as you remember who I am, well, be gone then!” Before Garel could speak another word, he found himself somewhere in the forest, the wizard was gone, as was the river, and the remaining supplies of his. He was alone in the forest.

With no sense of direction, and only his dream to guide him. And it proved to be a rather inadequate guide, he swore to himself he’ll never let his dreams guide him ever again, after having to crawl through a cave of giant spiders, encountering another death, making friends with the orcs, who were surprisingly friendly, until they invited him for a feast, and he was to become the feast. Fortunately for him, a strange trio of a dragon, a cat, and a vampire? He wasn’t quite sure of the last 1.

But nevertheless, the strange group saved him and even gave him a lift out of the forest. He learned well from them, that sometimes your wishes and dreams are right before your nose. So he tried to stab the vampire at night, but couldn’t do it, even though his dream of killing was right before his nose ‘but an ancient vampire likely has a lot of germs’ he thought to himself. 

The group pointed him in the direction of the ruins that were right in front of him, just outside the forest, and wished him the best of luck. He mustered his courage and ventured into the ruins. They were ruined, expectedly so. He walked through the ruins for a rather short time before the smell of freshly baked cookies caught his attention. Before realizing it, the scent made him float. He floated like a cartoon character toward the baked goods. 

When he opened his eyes, he stood on a stage in the senate-building looking ruins with stone benches in half-circle in front of a stage. Before him on the tables were lined trays of cookies, cakes, puddings, jellies and candy. His eyes widened, he scanned the tables, it all looked fresh and delicious. He reached for a cookie right before him and grabbed one, but before he could take a bite, a gentle feminine voice came from behind “that may make you fearless, or may send you to hell… I’m not quite sure, eat at your own risk!” His eyes widened from the sudden fear that statement induced into him. His body froze. He shivered from fear. 

“H…hell…??” the female chuckled softly

“Ohh I’m sure it’ll be just fineee! Eat up!” she said encouragingly, and he obeyed, his body moved on its own, and he took a bite, it was surprisingly sweet, so much so that he felt like his body was melting like sugar in rain, his body was melting from the acid rain in the 57th layer of hell. 

He screamed from the agonizing pain, from the sight of his own bones turning liquid and the flesh dripping off of his bones. A moment later he fell on the ground back on the stage, above him stood a blonde cat girl with a fluffy tail, she pondered for a moment and then sneered

“how was hell?”

“W..what the hell was that???” he spoke in a trembling voice.

“Yes” she replied sweetly and then picked up a muffin off the table “This 1 should .. actually I forgot the ingredients, good luck” 

He shook his head “No… I.. ..n..not after the la…” but then he took a bite, its sweet smell was irresistible, and he could do nothing to stop himself from taking a bite. He sneezed, then had a hiccup, and the hiccup made him dizzy. He blinked a few times and stood atop a large tower, seemingly above the clouds, beside him sat a wizard, an old wizard, in chair, he lowered his newspaper and sighed at the uninvited guest

“Gah… even here on the top of the tower of torment there’s no rest? Shoo!”

A gust of wind pushed him off the ledge. While falling he thought to himself ‘why are all wizards and witches so cruel?’ And a fair question it was, why? Well the answer is rather simple. When your power is bound not by reality but by your own desires and willpower, there’s no reason to not do as you desire and act on a whim. He screamed and screamed as he fell on and on. After a while, he got tired of screaming. A moment later he fell onto the stage of the ruined building from before. 

The same catgirl greeted him with a grin “Ah, welcome back, what’d you see?” 

“An asshole…” he said while sitting up and trying desperately not to cry.”

She pondered for a while. “An…interesting effect, I’ll save that 1 for when somebody annoys me, well then, next???” She held out 2 slices of different pies. 

“No… I.. just wanted to cure my…” 

She watched the man before her having a breakdown. “Hmmm.. is my baking really that bad?” 

He shook his head “it’s.. Delicious but the effects..” 

She sighed “yeah I keep forgetting the recipe and adding in my potion ingredients in hopes of making something delicious. So, what ya need?” 

He swallowed audibly while holding onto his knees. “I.. am a germaphobe, and I want to be a killer!” 

She smiled widely “AHH!! Delightful! And I want to be a baker! We can help each other, wait right here I’ll bake a cake for you!!”  She ran off excitedly through the wall and disappeared.

Reemerging from the same wall a few short moments later, she carried on a large tray a wedding-looking cake. She peeked from behind it and smiled at the man. 

“This cake shall cure all your problems, rid you of all fears and grant a single of your wishes.. But at a cost.” 

“What cost?” inquired Garel nervously. 

“I.. am not sure, you see, I was trying to use the phoenix dawn but I was out and I couldn’t recall what the alternative ingredient was so I just used the demon’s toe nail…”

“T..toes nail? That’s…” 

“Really difficult to obtain, you have no idea…” Max interrupted him and then shrugged, scooped up a spoonful of the cake and shoved it into his mouth when he opened it to speak again. 

“I’m sure it’ll be fine! I just hope you don’t end up like that man and his horse… oh if you find him in hell do tell him I apologize for the inconvenience of sending him to hell, I hope he’s doing well…” she pondered for a moment. 

“MMMHHH??????” Panicked Garel.

‘What a thoughtful witch’ thought Garel to himself for a moment and then his vision faded to black. When he reopened his eyes he was standing on a rope-suspended bridge over a volcano. Before him stood a confused-looking man in chef’s outfit holding on desperately. “Would you mind..??? Please don’t shake it!” 

The goddess of taste hovered beside them on the bridge, an eyebrow raised and a hand over her face. “Not another one…” she mumbled under her breath and then snapped her finger. Garel was now on the ground in front of the entrance to the bridge, the goddess before him held her hand out “No, no and NO! You stay, and wait your turn… Blah blah cross the bridge face your fears, become a demigod, you know the rules.” 

“No..?” spoke confused Garel. 

“Well now you do.” She replied in a haste and then disappeared.

The legends of The Death Bringer From The Shadows, The One Who Stalks You Till You Beg To Die, live on these days, they speak of his truly out of this world challenges, and the acts of heroism he expressed in saving innocent kids from diabetes. It is said he developed an unsatisfiable sweet tooth and would devour all the sweets. He traveled worlds and timelines in search of the sweetest, most delicious treats. And thus the legendary Cereal-Killer was born, though many believed him to be a mere fairy-tale.