Wizard of the Nerlin Manroe

Nersid, a poison-type dragon was resting in his lair when suddenly he was awoken by Tardas, a stray cat. Nersid lifted his head and looked down his body, watching a cat trotting up his tail fearlessly. Nersid sighed and in a deep voice said – “How dare you  step on me, a mighty dragon?” the cat stopped and turned his head, a grin stretched across his face as he said “meow meow purr purr” 

Nersid’s jaw dropped open as he watched the cat, badly pretend to meow – “you’re no mere cat, now get off me” he swung his tail trying to shake the little bugger off, but in turn the cat just sunk its claws in between his scales and held on. Nersid let out a slightly pained groan – “Grahhh! Fine fine!” He rested his tail back down and sighed – “what do you want?”

The cat relaxed and pulled its claws out, continuing to trot towards his head – “meow… I want a home! Buuuut, after looking around, you’re rather poor aren’t ya?” exclaimed the cat as it looked around with a face of disappointment. Nersid laughed – “HA! You dare say that to ME? A DRAGON?” the cat sat down on his back and licked its paw – “dragon or not, you are as poor as a peasant..”

Nersid stood up, throwing the cat off its back as he stretched his mighty wings. He moved his head close to the cat, who landed safely on its legs and continued licking his paws – “I’m Tardas by the way, Tardis the magnificent.” Nersid took a deep breath – “And I am your DEATH!” said Nersid as he let a plume of gas out of his mouth right at the cat. A moment later, laughter mixed with meows and wheezing echoed out of the smoke. 

“Nyahahaha! I th…nyaaa i thought I would die! No! For real, nyahahahah! That, spooked me! I swear I lost 1 of my 9 lives, and am about to lose another! Meeeoowww stoop” wheezed Tardas as Nersid turned his head away in disappointment and sighed “I am Nersid, a poison dragon, but instead of poison I produce laughing gas.”. The cat continued to laugh and meow for quite a while longer.

As time went on, the cat remained by Nersid’s side. The 2 learned to enjoy each other’s company, despite frequent disagreements due to differences in their lifestyles. One night, Nersid was awoken by a frightened meow of his companion. He jumped to his feet, standing mightily on all fours, perked up, and spread his wings, he roared to show everyone around him who the king of this mountain was.

Before him stood a bald man in a raggedy cloak, a hood covering his face, dimly lit by moonlight. In his arms, he held Tardas and patted him, despite Tardas attempting to get away and clawing at him. The man was skinny, his voice was shaky – “Yes! Yes! Very good! A mighty dragon is what I need! And a companion with fur so soft it makes you want to sleep,” he said as he grinned a toothless grin at the cat.

“WHO DARES BOTHER ME?” said Nersid as he squinted at the skinny man before him, focusing his sleepy, disoriented vision. “You! Release my companion at once before I BURN YOU TO ASHES”. The skinny man lifted his head and focused his gaze on the dragon – “You, a poison dragon, can not burn anyone” remarked the skinny man. Nersid smirked – “Ah so you know about the great Nersid of the north! Then how dare you hold my companion captive?”

The man looked back down at the cat who was now purring in his arms – “Oh this? Hardly can call him a hostage. ” The cat yawned – “mmmyaassss purrr purrr now let me sleep”. Nersid’s gaze turned from focused to confused – “uhm, so, what uhh, what brings you here? If not to take him captive and make demands?”. The man continued to pat the cat as he sat down and smiled at the dragon, showing a lack of teeth. 

“I am a vampire! Well.. I should be a vampire! But as you can tell, my teeth are gone. I’ve heard from some travelers of a treasure buried in the northern peaks that contains a magic item that could summon a spirit, and said spirit is said to grant your wish”. Nersid lied back down and rested his head on the ground – “Go on”. The vampire nodded – “I have a wish, a dream, a dream to become a REAL vampire! One that hunts and sucks blood”

He chuckled as his gaze met with that of the dragon before him – “And you, surely, the famous ‘laughing gas’ dragon, must have a dream that you would do anything for!” Nersid closed his eyes as a single tear rolled down his scales – “I too wish to be a proper dragon! A deadly dragon”. The vampire nodded – “And him?” he glanced down at the cat which was soundly asleep in his lap. Nersid opened his eyes and looked at the cat – “He wants a loving home, meals 3 times a day, pats, and a loving family”

The vampire smiled once more – “I say our team is set then! Let us search for this treasure and make our dreams come true!” The dragon smiled in response, – “Yes! We set out tomorrow at sunrise. ” He hesitated for a moment- “You CAN travel when the sun is up, right?”. The vampire laughed – “But of course! I am immune to the sun and garlic, but I am allergic to silver, and not good with water. I, I uhh, can’t swim” 

And thus the group slept, and as the sun rose above the horizon, they awoke to a loud roar that Nersid let out. Harmless as he might be with his gas, he was still a mighty dragon, the king of all creatures. The vampire and cat mounted the dragon and with a mighty flap of its wings they set out! Gliding through the air on the most magnificent beast the world has ever known. 

They flew for a whole day and as the sun began to set, vampire guided them to a village. While it was a wise decision to seek guidance and learn of this treasure and where to search for it, landing in the middle of a village as a dragon, vampire, and a talking cat, was less than a wise idea. They quickly found themselves surrounded by the city guards. 

As the vampire jumped down, the guards, who were wearing a well-polished, reflective chrome armor, were quick to notice him not having a reflection in their reflective armor and were even quicker to throw garlic at him. The cat could no longer suppress his laughter and burst out into maniacal laughter while sitting on the back of a dragon. Some of the guards claimed the cat to be a witch and ran away. 

The dragon, on the other hand, just calmly tried to talk to them, but as he was poked with a halbert into his side, ticklish as he was, he sneezed out a large plume of laughing gas. The guards, watching their comrades choking from laughter assumed it to be some dangerous gas. While some heroically attempted to rescue their comrades, the vast majority chose to run to the walls to man the heavy weapons. And while the village was rather small, it did have a couple of cannons. 

As they manned the cannons, Nersid’s enhanced senses warned him of the upcoming dangers. The dragon took flight, flying above the village dodging incoming cannonballs, spewing laughing gas at the mounted cannons and the crews manning them, seeding terror and causing absolute uproar in the village. Villagers ran around in panic and fright, thinking they were being attacked by a dragon. One would be hard-pressed to blame them for this, rather, appropriate reaction. 

As the ruckus settled, mostly, due to people of the village passing out from laughing too hard, thanks to the mighty dragon, he settled down once again. A mighty swoop of its wings caused a wind strong enough to clear the village center of any laughing gas. Behind him, the vampire, leaning against a fruit shop was squeezing garlic in his hand and drinking its juice – “mmhh, so, what we wanted is information, what we got is a snack”

The cat climbed on top of Nersid’s head – “Library is that way! Orr.. that way, I’m not sure. Hey do you think I can stay here? Do they welcome talking cats?”. The Vampire, walking past them, sighed – “no, certainly they won’t welcome you, especially after what we had just caused. Anyways, let us go talk to the local li…” He paused and looked at the Dragon – “actually, you stay here, I’ll go talk” 

A short while later, a vampire emerged, accompanied by no other than a gorilla in glasses – “Right, and here take this map! If you head past the lady-peak south-west of here, you’ll find the city of Grenal. The scholars there will help you with further search and information. Oh and” the gorilla looked at the dragon who was snacking on a roasted pig – “that isn’t free”. The vampire nodded and threw a bag of coins at the gorilla – “thanks” 

The trio set out once more. Nersid flapped his mighty wings. Each flap caused gusts of wind, clearing the village out of its gas. He sighed and took flight, heading south-east instead of the south-west as they were supposed to. The vampire examined the map and the mountains beneath them, illuminated dimly by the moonlight – “hey, Nersid, dragons are good at navigation, right?”

Nersid laughed – “Of course! We are the best in the world” The vampire grunted and then tossed the map over his shoulder – “I guess the gorilla lied then, the map seems totally wrong!” The cat yawned – “Or the dragon is actually stupid, who knows” he remarked as he rested on vampire’s lap and fell back asleep. They flew and flew until they spotted a city. “Ah, there it is!” exclaimed a Nersid in a nervous voice, almost panicked, he, by now, must have realized he probably flew in the wrong direction.

They made their landing a few hundred paces from the city gates, they decided it was probably unwise to land right in the middle of the city. To their surprise, the gates remained open. As they all slowly walked towards the city gates, the sound of drums suddenly erupted from within the city walls. A moment late, a band of orcs came charging out of the city, running towards them, worn out and rusted battle axes at the ready. 

Vampire smiled – “Oh! Orcs! Great fellas, let me do the talking!”…….

“Let you do the talking, huh?” said Nersid, bound by massive chains, tied to the city tower. Beside him, the vampire is nailed to a wooden X with a bonfire being prepared below him. To his right, the cat sat, chained with a massive chain to an even larger boulder. “And why did they chain up the furry bastard?”

Vampire sighed – “I guess they just misunderstood our intentions.” Nersid laughed – “HAH! You reckon? And here I thought you clearly told them ‘make a meal out of us’”. The vampire grunted as another wooden stake was driven through his heart – “Listen! I told you a million times, I am a literal immortal creature! You can’t kill me! Stop tha….. OH GOD PUT THE TORCH DOWN!” suddenly shouted the vampire

And the orc did as he was instructed, he put the torch down, on top of the hay which lit up instantly. The fire spread quickly and before long the vampire was screaming – “NO! I WON’T MAKE A GOOD MEAL, YOU GREEN-SKINNED MORONS! I WOULD SUCK YOU ALL DRY BUT AHHHHH HOT!!” Nersid laughed – “hah! “Take that, idiot! ” The vampire snapped his head – “Listen here, you overgrown lizard moron! If you were a water type…”

And the orcs stood watching the vampire burn. The cat mumbled out of boredom – “Come on Nersid, I don’t like them, they’re not feeding me. Let’s get out of here.” Nersid laughed – “no no! Hold on, let me enjoy the show a little longer”. The vampire shouted – “I WILL RETURN WHEN MY WISH IS GRANTED AND I WILL CONSUME YOU ALL” 1 of the orcs grabbed his battle axe and tossed it at the vampire, missing him entirely as the axe hit the dragon on the chest, chipping away the massive chain holding him. 

Nersid smirked – “Why thank you, kind sir” He perked up and roared, and the chains snapped like paper ropes. A single swoop of his wing sent the burning debris of the fire scattering over half the city. The orcs fled in panic. Nersid watched the vampire pull himself off the nails and stakes and regenerate his burned skin – “Took you long enough”. Nersid grinned – “Ah come on, it was fun watching you scream.” 

Nersid with ease snapped the chains off of the cat who quickly climbed on top of him – “Giddy up! Come on! Let’s go! I don’t like green people, they don’t pat me” The vampire quickly raided a random store, throwing on a simple basic robe. Realizing the dragon wasn’t waiting for him, he had no time to look around for anything more fashionable. 

They flew for another couple of days until they, at last, reached a port city. They tried to disguise Nersid… Needless to say, a cloak over his head and making a giant, bus-sized creature walk on two legs and pretend to be your oversized uncle is hardly an efficient disguise, but that did not stop them from trying. And so they walked down the city street. A dragon on two legs with a cloak covering his head a little, a vampire in a robe, and a cat. 

As they approached the city library, realizing Nersid couldn’t enter due to height restrictions.The dragon sat in the front yard of the library, catching glances from literally everybody passing by, while the vampire and the cat ventured inside. “Ey! Ey you!” Nersid turned and glanced at a pirate-looking young lad with his hand on his scimitar – “You uhh.. You from not from around here are you?”. Nersid coughed

Nersid’s voice sounded like a smoked-up teenager-  “No! I am a traveling uhh uncle of a va… vanyr, my nephew, he’s in the library.” The pirate squinted at him and frowned – “you don’t look like no man I saw! Big claws and teeth, a tail”. Nersid sighed – “Ah, well it’s because I eat a lot of beef jerky!” The pirate scratched his head a bit – “Ahh.. You are what you eat! So that’s why cap’tn has scales and fins! Care to give us a hand at the port?” 

Nersid pointed his claw at himself – “Who, me?” the pirate nodded enthusiastically – “Aye! We could use a strong large lad such as yerself! The new cargo arrived by the crane broke” Nersid got up hesitantly and looked over his shoulder – “I uhh well my, neph” the pirate shrugged – “Ah it’s whatever! Let’s go”.  As they made it to the port, at the dock sat a large ship, with several dozen men, pirates, and knights alike, carrying boxes upon boxes of cargo from it. 

On the pier, remnants of a broken crane lay. The young pirate introduced the dragon to the others, they were quick to throw ropes over him and create a makeshift harness to which they attached ropes with hooks for that the dragon could, in 1 go, lift the cargo out of the ship. The plan succeeded, and the cargo was unloaded. A few hours had passed at this point. He returned to the library, but the vampire was not coming out.

He slept the night on the library’s lawn, but there was still no sign of the vampire or the cat. He decided to scout the city, searching far and wide, but nobody had seen them. As the lonely, abandoned dragon Nersid decided to leave the city and return to his lair, he was stopped by someone pulling his tail. Upon turning around he could see a young kid. – “DRAGON!”. Nersid bent down and put his claw to the child’s mouth- “shhhh!! no ! i’m not”

The kid chuckled – “your vampire friend got eaten by a book! And the cat too!” the child laughed as he pulled out a black book from his bag. The book’s cover was dark as the night, with a massive demon face on it – “go rescue your friends.” Before Nersid had a chance to respond, think, or resist in any way, the kid opened the book and pointed it at the dragon, and in that instant, he was sucked inside it. He found himself standing on a beach.

 Off to the side, he could see the vampire, happily swinging on a swing. The cat rested on the grass beside him. The vampire jumped off the swing and, in a swift dash approached the dragon, then stretched – “Ahh! It took you long enough! Welcome! The kid told us, ‘This is the place of the treasure!’”. Nersid facepalmed – “you morons got captured by a book of eternal imprisonment” 

The vampire looked around- “Really???” Nersid sighed – “yes, really, gah! Useless! Let’s go we’re getting out of here! No book shall ever hold ME! THE GREAT DRAGON! A PRISONER! THAT’S JUST ABSURD!”. A meowing voice thundered through the silence that followed Nersid’s shout- “NYAYLENCE! I AM SLEEPING”. Nersid hushed and hunkered down a little – “woops” 

After a couple of hours’ nap, they found an old wizard’s tower. The wizard welcomed the trio as they desperately searched for a way to escape. He laughed – “My name is Nerlin Manroe! I am a son of a man who was a roegadyn! Yes yes! So, what do we have here? A witcher, a cat, and a dragon? ” The vampire hissed – “VAMPIRE! VAMPIREE! I SUCK BLOOD!” The wizard ignored his remark – “the only thing you suck is tomato juice currently.” 

The vampire threw the can of tomato juice over his shoulder and shrugged at the cat, whose face was that of disappointment – “nyaaaa! So Manroe Nerlin, won’t you get us out of this?” wizard nodded – “Oh yes yes! Yes! I most certainly can! I have been planning my performance for a dozen years! A magical dance ritual that’ll get us out of this place! You came at a great time, I will perform it tomorrow night”

The next day they all spent rehearsing dance to dance along with the wizard. They danced the day and night away until the wizard nodded approvingly – “yes! This will do! We will have a performance so amazing that the book itself will applaud us. Well, to put it simply, their performance certainly had an effect on the book, although it wasn’t applauding, but rather puking. The book puked them out in disgust after their terrible dancing and singing. 

Nersid, angry, and relieved after their escape, coughed up a massive cloud of laughing gas which flooded the city rather quickly. He also consumed the book of eternal imprisonment as a punishment for daring to eat him. As the group made their way out of the city, hysterically laughing about their amazing performance and mistakes they each made, the wizard prepared to part ways, asked them what it is they were seeking. 

Nersid spoke calmly – “We seek treasure in the north which can grant our wishes.” The vampire nodded, – “yes! Have you any idea where to find it, oh great wizard of the dance? ” The cat just simply yawned. Wizard stroked his beard and pulled up his leopard print tights, adjusting them. – “Hmmm, and what is it you three wish for?”

They spoke over each other in a rushed, disorganized manner – “I wish to be the…” “Fangs so I can…” “Sleep all day and eat three…” “Breath…” “blood!” “tuna and headpats”. The wizard’s eyes widened at the cacophony of voices as the trio stopped and glared at each other – “Let me speak first you imbecile,” said the dragon. “Meow up! I am the wisest of this party. ” “Silence you fools I am the oldest here” claimed the vampire.

Wizard coughed as he snapped his fingers, a chair, a table, and a teacup filled with tea appeared beside him, he sat down, calmly drinking his tea, observing the argument which unfolded before him. “I will…” “Do what? Make me laugh?” mocked the vampire as the cat hissed at him. The cat jumped at the vampire and clawed at him. The immortal vampire grabbed it and tossed it at the dragon, who huffed out a plume of laughing gas again. 

As the laughter died down and the gas dissipated, the wizard nodded – “alright, so now, one at a time tell me your wishes.” The three, exhausted from arguing and laughing, spoke in an organized manner this time. Each said what they wanted. “I want teeth so I can be a proper vampire”. “And I wish to spew out poison, not laughing gas”. The cat just sighed – “I want a family.”  

The Wizard nodded – “Vampire, you needn’t fangs for you are already mighty strong and immortal. You’ve no craving for blood. ” The vampire shrugged – “well yes but…” the wizard interrupted him. 

“And dragon, your desire to cause harm is unjustified. You’ve never harmed a single person, so why would you want to have poison gas?” the dragon looked at the ground in shame – “I.. just so I can be… the mighty dragon my parents always raised me to be” Wizard shook his head- “You already are, but you can bring good, not harm. Find a village that’ll accept you. They’ll become your friends and cherish you. Be their guardian. ” The dragon clearly contemplated this. 

His gaze averted to the cat. “And you, my fluffy little friend, have already found your family, have you not?” The cat turned and stared at the dazed vampire and dragon – “They’re fools…complete idiots… good for nothing, but they are my friends” The wizard smiled – “and this port city accepted you and your help, did it not?”

The dragon spoke hesitantly – “I, guess. They thanked me for my help.” The vampire shrugged – “Librarian showed us the way, and then a kid with a book of eternal imprisonment consumed us”. The cat yawned – “They patted me and gave me fish.”

The wizard laughed and snapped his fingers, disappearing in a puff of smoke. Only his voice remained, echoing through the forest – “Your wishes have been granted. May you live long and prosper in your new home”. And thus the trio settled in the pirate port city. Living long and protecting the city from law enforcement and armies that try to set order in the city. 

Do you want to hear more from Narsid the laughing-gas dragon or Tardas the trusty cat companion? Read up on them in Coins and Couriers or in Disturbed Slumber.