Disturbed Slumber

Darsid dove into a pile of oversized, XXXL plushies. His happy giggles filled the air. He felt their softness brush against his scales as he slithered deeper into the pile. Lamas, dodos, cats, and even sharks. Plushies of all shapes and sizes, of creatures he had seen and those he had never heard of, surrounded him, and snuggled him tightly in their embrace. He laughed and smiled. Joy was the only thought on his mind. Suddenly the large bunny he was nuzzling against hit him right in the snout.

“Groaaw!! What was that for?”

He furrowed his snout, letting out a low, earth rumbling growl, but the bunny fell still, as a plushy should be.

“Grrr, better!”

He took a moment and then nuzzled against it again. The bunny plushy did not react this time. A moment later something bit his tail. He snapped, leaping out of the pile of plushies and glaring at a shark that was hanging onto the tip of his tail. Something snapped, something popped, off in the distance thunder roared.

“You filthy thing how dare you attack ME! THE GREAT Darsid, fear of the north! Death bringer! Destroyer of cities?”

He flicked his tail, tossing the shark off, back into the pile of plushies, and then sighed. He slowly scanned the horizon, his gaze fixated on the dark storm cloud from which the thunder roared and lightning struck all beneath it.

“Hmm… ruining my pleasant cuddles…”

He spoke softly, disappointed, glancing quickly at the plushies beneath.

“Don’t worry little ones, I won’t let the storm harm you.”

His body slithered through the air. The serpent of the North took flight in the direction of the storm. He blinked in disbelief at the bunny plushy standing on his snout. It grinned, he also grinned, and then it poked him in the eye. He winced in pain. Opening his eyes and blinking, his eyes watered from irritation. Something fell onto the ground with a thud. He glared at it, a round, metallic object, a cannonball.

“That’s… not my plushy.”

He raised his head to see that part of his cave had collapsed, that’s what pinched his tail earlier. Off in the distance, beyond his cave, a battle roared. The distant roar of thunder was in fact just heavy cannon fire.

“Tsk… humans and their battles, disturbing my dreams….”

He reached for one of the cannonballs with a desire to use it as an earplug, but like all things that involve humans, it always ends in violence. He watched a cannonball fly past him at an enormous speed and impact a pile of softness upon which he slumbered moments prior. It exploded violently, blowing a majority of his plushies to bits. Their soft fillings splattered around, littering the floor and walls of the cave. Soft paws, tails and heads decorated his peaceful cave. His jaw hung open, shock enveloped him, and shortly after, so did the rage. His bed, which was made of plushies, was annihilated, and his cave now resembled a horror movie scene.

“You… Monsters… You’ll pay for this!”

He clenched his fangs, and a low hiss escaped his throat. His eyes welled up, turning into momentary fountains as he reached for the head of Jahalb, his favorite shark plush.

“I’ll… I’ll make them pay for this… So long, my dear, old friend.”

Sorrow washed away in an instant; rage filled his heart. His mind descended into the realm of darkness and madness. The distant roar of thunder that was the cannon fire was all he could focus on. His eyes turned bloodied red, his voice no longer mellow, but deep. No words escaped his throat, only growls.

He took flight in the direction of the storm, in the direction of the enemy airships that were laying siege upon the town next to which Darsid had found his dwelling, a town of good people that brought him plushies for his wisdom and occasional aid. He rushed at the speed of a lightning bolt and crashed down upon a group of bandits nearest to his mountain, they were arming a trebuchet, and now, they weren’t. His claws wrapped around the nearest bandit that fled the scene after seeing a mighty serpent appear on the battlefield.

“WHO AND WHY?”

He growled, but no answer came, for the bandit no longer could breath in his mighty, rage-driven grasp. With no time to spare, Darsid took flight once more. Something hit the side of his head, another cannonball, a regular one. He disregarded it. His mighty jaws tore through the nearest airship with ease, and his tail plucked one of the falling bandits out of the sky.

“SPEAK!”

He demanded. The bandit whimpered and cried out, pleading for mercy of the mighty serpent, but Darsid, driven by rage, cared not for his plea, he desired revenge, he sought retribution. Tossing the bandit down toward the smoldering pile of scrap that was a burning airship he had just knocked out of the sky, his heart skipped a beat. An image of the exploded pile of his favorite plushies flashed in his mind. His sanity returned, and he gasped, regaining his focus.

“Burn in hell you bastards.”

He snarled, his eyes darting between threats and groups on the battlefield around him. Still high in the air, he had a great vantage point. Off to the South, two armored airships tried to force through the air defenses of the city, likely dropships. Three more trebuchets on the ground, and two assault ships on the opposite side, bombarding the city with heavy cannon fire. The thunderous roar of the cannons irked him. He couldn’t stand it, not after they disturbed his peaceful slumber with those. He slithered through the air. His body – like a wet, overcooked spaghetti – moved out of the way of any threats that were aimed at him, with ease dodging incoming enemy fire. The gunships turned to face the city, their broadsides aimed directly at him. A moment later the deafening roar of cannons filled the air as dozens of cannonballs were fired in his direction.

“Pitiful humans, thinking their weapons can harm me!”

While the gunships fired at him, row after row, he dodged them all with ease, knocking some back with his tail as if playing a deadly game of ping-pong with the gunships, except they couldn’t bounce them back. His sharp as diamond claws tore through the hull of the first ship, tearing half a dozen cannons out. He grasped onto the ship and slammed against it with his tail. The engines gave in, unable to handle the added weight and the damage, the ship plummeted to the ground. The second ship managed to unleash a full barrage into Darsid’s side, but the mighty serpent hardly suffered any damage. His scales were like thick rubber, giving in to the blunt force, absorbing it, rendering the cannons all but useless.

“HAH!”

He laughed in the face of the enemy, and then took a deep breath, bursting out into loud laughter as the crew leaped off the ship, abandoning it, expecting a magic bolt of some sort. He swiftly analyzed the battlefield, re-evaluating the targets and their priorities. One of the heavily armored assault ships seemed to have been disabled, it crashed into a wall of the city, burning bright in defeat as a pile of nothing more than rubble. The other one, however, made it past the city walls, but seeing the fall of the gunships, it was turning around rapidly. The trebuchets were all aimed at him now. ‘Good’ he thought, having succeeded in drawing the enemy fire.

A few brief moments and a broken trebuchet later was all it took to round up the assaulting band of bandits. They fled as fast as they could, and Darsid had no desire to chase them down, not anymore at least, he had his revenge, he tore the gunships to bits, which blew his plushies up, he was satisfied until he felt something poke at the side of his stomach. He turned his gaze with the most unamused look imaginable. At the bow of the ship, behind a massive lance drill, stood the captain of the bandits. His stern gaze swiftly turned mellow as he realized that his most powerful weapon had just broken to pieces against the scales of the mighty serpent. His jaw hung low and his knees trembled. His will to fight dissipated with the last weapon he had on hand.

Darsid leaned closer. His snout almost touched the captain. He huffed, pushing the captain back with his breath. The trembling man stumbled backward out of fright.

“We…uh… s…sorry we weren’t… aware that uhh, this town was under your… protection oh mighty serpent…”

Darsid grinned.

“Indeed it is, and you are to pay for the damage.”

As he leaned back and took another deep breath, he laughed once more watching the majority of the crew leap out of the airship out of fear that the dragon would use a magic breath, little did they know that Darsid possessed no magic. The captain probably needed new pants, but that mattered not, as a moment later Darsid’s attention was drawn by a familiar, and cute sound he had been longing to hear for a while.

A meow.

He glanced up at the crow’s nest, atop the railing of which sat a cat. It licked its paw lazily, oblivious to the chaos beneath and all around it, and acting far too familiar with a mighty dragon before it.

“Meowning… What’s with the nyaise? I was meowing to sleep…”

Darsid’s eyes widened, not from the shock of a talking cat, which was shocking to him, but from the amusement of seeing a cat. Darsid’s heart pounded. The cat’s soft toe beans shone in the afternoon sun as it continued to lick its paw.

“Dawwhhh!”

Darsid mellowed, letting out a soft purr like noise. The cat paused its licking and glanced up.

“Oh nyao… Not another weirdo dragon…”

Darsid ignored his snarky remark and leaned closer, trying to boop the cat with its snout.

“No…”

The cat remarked, extending its paw and pressing it against the dragon’s snout.

“No…”

Darsid ignored the small creature and continued to press its snout closer.

“Gods damn it I said NYAAAAA!”

The cat screamed out as it got pressed, gently against the mast, and the dragon’s massive snout nuzzled against its soft belly.

“HYAALP!! I’m being assaulted!”

The dragon let out another purr-like noise, rejoicing from the softness, and, to its ears, cute meows and happy noises of the cat, which were, in fact, not cute and happy noises at all. For a while the forced nuzzles continued, and as the ship slowly descended toward its imminent doom and destruction, Darsid caught it and landed it safely, taking his newly, forcefully acquired friend hostage, along with him.

“Say new friend, your fur is so soft, how is it?”

The annoyed cat sighed in response.

“It’s naturally this soft, just as your scales are naturally… why are they soft?”

Darsid grinned.

“Oh, heh… I’m just a little nervous….”

The dragon took a deep breath and then tightened the muscles in its body. Along with the muscles, the scales hardened.

“When I flex, they are hard, but when I relax, well, I’m a weird dragon, the locals call me the overcooked-noodle-dragon because of my soft body and scales.”

The cat rolled his eyes.

“So, a local huh?”

The dragon nodded proudly, heading toward the city gates, trotting happily, having found a kitty he could finally pat.

“Mhmmm! And you’re not? Were you… catnapped by those bandits?”

He glanced angrily over his shoulder.

“I SHOULD SLAY THEM ALL!”

The cat yawned.

“Nyot, I hid on their ship because they had fresh fish.”

They entered the city, and amidst the chaos and destruction, the locals warmly greeted their protector, the great serpent, the noodle dragon.

“And meowt nyao?”

The dragon’s body shivered happily, hearing the cat.

“Ahhh so CUTE! Ahem… Now… I need new plushies, I know JUST THE PLACE!”

He said proudly.

“Plushies?”

The cat asked, perplexed.

“Indeed!”

The dragon responded proudly.

“Oh nyoo…”

The cat mumbled but the dragon ignored him, trotting down the streets excitedly, heading in a set direction.

“It ameowses me that I managed to encounter someone worse than my previous party.”

Darsid turned his long neck around and blinked at the cat.

“Worse? I’m not half bad am I? How bad were they?”

The cat rolled its eyes.

“Oh nyo you’re worse, somehow… Cannyat believe it…”

The cat pondered for a moment.

“My old party were a bunch of fools, bafoons even.”

“Mhm mhmm…”

The dragon nodded enthusiastically, eager to learn more.

“One was a vampire, without teefs… Teefsless vampire, hilarious isn’t it? He couldn’t bite no one… Shaking my head.”

The dragon burst out into laughter.

“No!! Toothless vampire? That’s hilarious!”

“Nyass! We were out, seeking a wizard that could grant our wishes…”

“Oho! And what was yours?”

The cat glanced up at the sky.

“A family… and food.”

The dragon laughed.

“And? Did it happen?”

The cat nodded.

“The bafoons in my party, my friends… they are my family now.”

He replied with a smirk.

“Total idiots, but the best kinds of meowdiots.”

The dragon nodded.

“Wise words.”

“Nyaass…”

“And the other members?”

The dragon inquired, glancing at the plushy toys store outside which they now stood.

“A nyagon like you… Well, different species. Gas dragon.”

He continued the tale.

“A useless dragon that spewed laughing gas.”

Darsid gasped, snapping his head around.

“My cousin Narsid the laughing gas dragon? He’s well?”

The cat’s eyes widened.

“Oh that explains so meowch….”

“Oh boy do I have questions for you!”

Darsid exclaimed with excitement.

“But first… My new small friend, my cousin’s companion… I ask a favor of you…”

He proceeded, and when he reopened his eyes, the cat was no longer sitting on his back.

“Nyas nyas…. I’ll get you a plushies, which do you want?”

Darsid smiled, rejoiced by a newly acquired friend, eager to learn more about his cousin of whom he hadn’t heard in a long while.

Do you want to learn more about Tardas the cat and their weird band of companions, including Darsid’s cousin Narsid? Read up on how they got together in Wizard of the Nerlin Manroe.